As a man, if you are desiring to get into a relationship, there are a few things that you need to know. First, it is expected of you to protect the woman in your life. You need to have the ability, attitude, desire and the vision that you are going to protect the woman in your life in every way. Physical protection for a woman means that when she has a man around, she feels safe. Stand up for your wife! If people are going to attack her, she needs to know that you are there. It is well known that when a woman has a man in the house, then she feels safer. So as a man, it is important to ask yourself the question – am I prepared to protect the woman in my life?
When God gave Adam the responsibility to oversee, give guidance and leadership, He was saying that once you decide that you want to get married, you need to be prepared to be the vision carrier for your family. What do you want? You need to have a vision of what you want your family to be like. That gives you a lot of value, when you know that you are offering leadership. I have heard many men say that they feel that their wives keep saying that they want their men to be a leader in their homes and they say that they do not understand what that means. Basically, what that means is that you are taking initiative as a man– that you are the one who is saying that “ I am thinking that we should do this and that.” And if you are going to offer that, then you will find that the woman in your life is going to feel much more trusting of you because you are showing that you have a vision and you are not shying off from asking her to follow you. I have also heard women will say that even as I want to follow my husband, I do not know how to follow him because he is not showing me where we are going. And so it is important for you to prepare yourself and ask yourself, am I showing leadership skills in my family?
The question that I get a lot is men who say that “My wife is not willing to be led”. What you need to do as a man is to school yourself because you might be attracted to a woman who has a strong personality and maybe you cannot match her personality strength – you are not argumentative and you are not going to be pushing your way through. Find yourself mentors and let them know you are a quiet guy and laid back, in love with this woman who has a strong personality. Could they give you tips on how you can be able to get her to follow you? When you have this woman you have fallen in love with and she is more aggressive than you are, naturally you will take a back seat and when you do, she is going to get into the driver’s seat. She will then get to a place where she will start accusing you of lacking leadership. It is important for you to note that as a man, even though you have a strong woman in your relationship, she still needs to feel your leadership. She needs to feel that you are covering her, protecting her and that you have a vision for the family. Most men who feel that their wives are not allowing them to lead, are most likely of a certain temperament that makes them more laid back. They do not like arguments. But if you do not become more assertive and influence your wife to listen, if you don’t do that then you will end up becoming very bitter in the relationship. That can end up creating the issues of infidelity because you don’t feel respected and you don’t feel that your wife trusts you or believes in you. It is important to do your part – get as much training as you can to prepare yourself to be the man of the home as you desire. Men were created that they can offer leadership and when you are not leading your family, then we say that the man has been sat on by his wife. It is important to realize that if you are going to experience that which is innate in you, which is for you to be a leader, then you need to prepare yourself for that role and lead in a way that is not demeaning. Lead in servant leadership. We see servant leadership in the life of Jesus, where He influenced people and brought them along and got them to buy the vision.
A word of caution, though. We have had issues where once a woman has supported the man and he is successful, he tends to disrespect the woman or fail to give her the same respect he gave her when he didn’t have anything. You also have to protect your wife’s ego. As you both move forward and become successful, you celebrate her in your success.
When I talk about leadership and protection, I am also talking about making sure your family does not lack anything. We all know that men thrive when they are able to provide for their families. As you prepare yourself to be a husband, know it is your responsibility to provide for your family. That does not mean that if your wife is making money she cannot help or support you in taking care of the family. The leadership role in that is your responsibility as a man.
Take care of your own insecurities and other things that you may bring into the relationship. It is very important to pay attention to where you came from – how your father led and the family that you were in. If you grew up in a home with only a mom then you do need to develop the skills to become the successful husband that you want to be, so you don’t find yourself ignoring your wife or not listening to her or finding yourself just being very aggressive in the relationship and not allowing her to walk together with you.
Do you feel ready to take up your role as the leader in your family? Do you have what it takes?
